"Be still and know that I am God..."
Psalm 46:10
As the mom of three active little boys, I wonder just how many times through the years I gave them "the eye" and admonished them to "Be still!" In the pew, in the barber's chair, in the waiting room, in the car... My tone of voice was probably less than pleasant, and I'm certain they felt the sting of my glare!
Yet when I read in Psalms where the Lord tells me to be still, I hear a tenderness in His tone that speaks deeply to my heart.
It seems as though life's pace accelerated exponentially as soon as school started this year: iPad training, 110 new students (and their papers), another "senior year" and all its attachments, Bible studies, youth beach retreat, Friday night football, homecoming... All of it good but in the busyness, a subtle, emerging distancing from what matters most. Oh, I've still enjoyed early mornings of sweet fellowship with our Heavenly Father, but unwavering intimacy throughout the day has been interrupted by too much activity. Everything I've read about the grieving process warns against busyness: it temporarily blankets the sadness and loss, but the pain will eventually resurface in a profound way.
I love that God created us with an inherent desire for abiding fellowship with Him. Nothing here will fill the God-sized hole that expands as we attempt to fulfill our daily tasks independent of Him. The "to do" list becomes the daily mission, overwhelming the "for Whom" these things are done. How thankful I am for this tranquil Saturday morning! As I sit here in the kitchen, instead of watching the clock and scurrying through, I can ponder the Word of the Lord and listen for His voice. Oh, I have cried big this morning--the ugly cry--a bucketful of tears perhaps--but I know that He is holding that bucket and stroking my shoulder, reminding me of His holy presence and everlasting love. He gently whispers, "I've been waiting..."
Today is the first day of autumn--a new season that simmers of cool mornings and brisk evenings. I have thanked the Lord for His relentless pursuit of my attention and affection, asking Him to forgive my busyness and redesign my "list." The world clamors for our time and can so easily engulf the only Voice that matters. Oh, how patient He must be to watch us scurry about for the less important things! I suppose because constant activity can consume our thoughts, we can suppress the heartache that might arise if given an occasion. But--in these last months I have experienced such sweet peace after head-on collisions with pain and memory. I have lived His new mercies morning by morning! Running to His arms is so much more satisfying than running to the next event. Oh, that I might be on guard and risk the tears to sit quietly before His throne!
Part of being still is allowing myself to remember. This morning I have been reminiscing on this Saturday a year ago--Jim's debut at Talladega. I'm reminded of how clearly the Lord orchestrated that day--from my friend Ali's suggestion of the racing opportunity to my brother Lyle's generosity in helping provide it. What a beautiful memory! In the midst of Jim's anguish, God blessed him with an exhilarating experience--six laps around the Nascar speedway, topping out at 172 miles an hour. I'll never forget that radiant smile when he stepped out of the car. He was beaming! And if that was his response to earthly joy, I can only imagine the brilliance of his smile today in the presence of our Savior.
And so as the leaves begin to fall and I enter this new season, I ask the Lord to slow me down. Yes, there will still be papers to grade and games to watch, but that He might slow me and show me that faithfully abiding in Him and being still before Him will bring peace that passes all understanding. How grateful I am that He doesn't speak harshly as I once did, for that demanding tone did not always assure obedience. But His invitation marked by gentleness beckons us to sit at His feet. May we all hear and abide.
"I am the vine; you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." (John 15:5)
