"The LORD will watch over your coming and going,
both now and forevermore."
Psalm 121:8
May is just a difficult month for teachers--the ambivalence of cheering for summer's arrival and grieving the departure of our sweet students. So much end-of-school business: book returns, exam reviews, grade decisions... Underneath the tasks I hear echoes of that 70s song, "We May Never Pass This Way Again." We are eager to mark items off our checkout list, a step closer to the reprieve we call summer; yet we know these children who have been an important part of our lives for the last nine months are about to move on.
This year, most especially, I am filled with conflicting emotions as the school year ends. I reflect on its painful beginnings as Dr. Day called Jim on his way to Open House (August 29th) to let him know the results of the biopsy. Jim told me after we got home, and we cried together until late in the evening. The next day was my student teacher's first day, but I couldn't say anything to him or anyone until we were able to get in touch with the older boys and tell them. To say that was an excruciating, long day is mild. But the Lord was my confidant throughout the day as I prayed and prayed and pled for His strength. During my conference period I went out to my car (a makeshift sanctuary) and spilled out my heart to Him. I then called my mom, knowing she would lend a voice of encouragement. Only with the Lord's supernatural power was I able to endure that life-changing day.
That same week I shared with my students the cancer journey that our family would be taking. I asked them to please pray with me as we walked along this unknown path. A handful of students I already knew well since these are Hunter's junior classmates; however, most of them I had not had time to build relationships with; they had only been in my class for two weeks. But their sympathetic looks silently offered their support, and I felt certain they would be our allies in this battle.
And that they have been. I couldn't have asked for more kind, compassionate young people. Every day that I was out in the fall for Jim's appointments or treatments I would return to a note from the substitute saying how wonderful they had been--diligent and respectful. Frequently they would ask, "How is your husband doing?" or "How are the treatments going?" Several former students (seniors) would stop by between classes just to let me know they were praying. Shortly after I had taken the leave of absence, Hunter brought a banner home that many of my students had signed, offering their encouragement and prayers for our family. The senior class officers, ambassadors, and SGA together created an "Encourajar" that was filled with candy and handwritten notes (many of them Scriptures). Since my return in mid-March students have been so gracious, trying their best to remain attentive and engaged despite springtime distractions. Their genuine concern and tenderness have touched me deeply.
When I was skimming through students' class evaluations last week, my heart warmed as I read one student's comment: "This class felt like family." That was it--family supports one another, prays for one another, shows kindness and respect for one another. That may have been the most rewarding observation yet. Here in a school of 2600, some of these students have experienced the gift of an extended family. Yes, this class of 2013 (and my alumni from the class of '12) have been extraordinary. What a blessing they have been! No wonder it's so hard to let them go.
Following tradition, on the last Friday before exams I read Dr. Seuss's classic, Oh, the Places You'll Go. (Throughout the year I read a children's book the last ten minutes of class on Fridays--probably students' favorite time of the whole week!) God was faithful to allow me to make it through--a little teary-eyed but no flash floods. (I had prayed specifically that morning because even in a good year this one is tough.) I love to end on this book because its message is so relevant, so encouraging. On the last page the narrator says, "Be on your way!" and I've always been grateful that he doesn't say "goodbye." However, recently I learned the origin of the word goodbye. I read that its first use was in the late 1500s as godbwye--a contraction for "God be with ye." After the influences of "good day" and "good evening," goodbye evolved. I love that. So now as these precious children leave my room this week, I will purposefully say, "Goodbye"--God be with you.
Among my many blessings I count my profession. I am so thankful that the Lord called me to teach all those years ago. Although some faces and names have faded through the years, each student is somehow woven into the tapestry of my life. When May comes, we prepare for the separation with a blend of sadness and joy. No, we shall not pass this way again, but as my sweet friend Leisa says, "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." We teachers are blessed indeed.
"He has made everything beautiful in its time." (Eccl. 3:11)
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Better Than Sheep
"On my bed I remember You
I think of You through the watches of the night."
Psalm 63:6
Last summer I read an article in the paper about Alice Lee, the sister of one of my favorite authors, Harper Lee (To Kill a Mockingbird). This 99-year old woman shared her bedtime "exercises" if she were having a difficult time going to sleep. First she recites the names of all the US Presidents. If she is still awake, then she begins to list the names of all the counties in Alabama. Next come the governors of Alabama, then... I was amazed! This woman is almost twice my age! Maybe I could reel off the last ten leaders of our country, but--wow! Certainly this would sharpen brain power more than mindlessly counting sheep. While I admire such mental discipline and incredible recall at almost a century, I wondered, what would most benefit me to remember as I'm trying to rest?
Soon after Jim's diagnosis, sleep became elusive. I often used this time to pray, not just for him but for others that the Lord brought to mind. One night as I recalled Miss Lee's practice, He gave me an idea. Knowing the names of Presidents and counties is good, but what is better? Reciting the books of the Bible--yes, that's it! As I began recounting my Bible Drill teaching days, another thought was presented. Is it the names of these books that would give me comfort to sleep or what is actually written in them? Alas--the book and a short verse from that book--that would be the plan.
The next morning I began to make my list to work on memorizing. The hardest part? Choosing only one verse from an entire book--there are so many good ones. These are a few and my reasons for selecting them:
Genesis - "In the beginning God..."
This one reminds me that He was and is and is to come. He is the Creator, the Master of the universe; He is sovereign over all. He has always been and will always be. (1:1)
Exodus - "The Lord is my strength and my song..."
Surely there is no strength greater than His-- whatever mountain we are facing. When I have none, He has it all. And by His grace He often gives us a song even in the midst of the steepest climb. (15:2)
Leviticus - "I am the Lord your God..."
These words are repeated countless times in this book as He reminds His people of all He has done for them. What reassurance in the very words "I AM"--and that He is not being talked about here, but He is actually speaking. No matter what changes in our lives, HE IS the same--today and forever. (11:44...)
Numbers - "The Lord bless (you) and keep (you)..."
Usually I insert a name (here)--often my children or one who I know is in deep need of the Lord's blessing. Always calming to redirect my eyes outside of my cocoon. Sometimes I may pause here as I ask the Lord for a name. (6:24)
Deuteronomy - "The Lord your God Himself goes ahead of you."
God is already in the tomorrow, clearing the path, making the way. What better guide than the One who holds tomorrow? I can rest knowing He is already there. (31:3)
Joshua - "Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
I love the word wherever in this verse as it reassures me that I am never alone. He casts out any fear by the knowledge of His presence. (1:9)
Judges - "The Spirit of the Lord came upon him in power."
Although Samson is the him in this recurring verse, I know God equips each of us today through His Spirit as well. There is no greater power on earth! (14:6)
Ruth - "Whither thou goest, I will go; where thou lodgest, I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people and thy God my God."
Yes, this one I still recite from the King James version because these words were among the vows that Jim and I exchanged all those years ago. This verse makes me thankful for many things--that we came to Birmingham, that I have a precious relationship with Jim's parents, and that Jim and I shared a love for the Lord. (1:16)
I Samuel - "...the battle is the Lord's..."
David's mighty words to Goliath just before slaying him with the single stone. And just as the Lord was on David's side, I am comforted to know He is always on my side--whatever the battle. (17:47)
II Samuel - "You are great, O Lord God..."
Among the simplest yet most profound of verses, this one reminds me of that familiar prayer most of us learned as a child, "God is great, God is good..." He is greater than any thorn, any obstacle, any pain. (7:22)
I'm still working to hide more Scriptures, but usually sleep comes even before Samuel. God has been especially gracious in granting me the gift of sleep in recent weeks. It is the exceptional night when I have to "count books," but I'm grateful He has offered me such solace in His Word to find rest.
"...He grants sleep to those He loves." Psalm 127:2
I think of You through the watches of the night."
Psalm 63:6
Last summer I read an article in the paper about Alice Lee, the sister of one of my favorite authors, Harper Lee (To Kill a Mockingbird). This 99-year old woman shared her bedtime "exercises" if she were having a difficult time going to sleep. First she recites the names of all the US Presidents. If she is still awake, then she begins to list the names of all the counties in Alabama. Next come the governors of Alabama, then... I was amazed! This woman is almost twice my age! Maybe I could reel off the last ten leaders of our country, but--wow! Certainly this would sharpen brain power more than mindlessly counting sheep. While I admire such mental discipline and incredible recall at almost a century, I wondered, what would most benefit me to remember as I'm trying to rest?
Soon after Jim's diagnosis, sleep became elusive. I often used this time to pray, not just for him but for others that the Lord brought to mind. One night as I recalled Miss Lee's practice, He gave me an idea. Knowing the names of Presidents and counties is good, but what is better? Reciting the books of the Bible--yes, that's it! As I began recounting my Bible Drill teaching days, another thought was presented. Is it the names of these books that would give me comfort to sleep or what is actually written in them? Alas--the book and a short verse from that book--that would be the plan.
The next morning I began to make my list to work on memorizing. The hardest part? Choosing only one verse from an entire book--there are so many good ones. These are a few and my reasons for selecting them:
Genesis - "In the beginning God..."
This one reminds me that He was and is and is to come. He is the Creator, the Master of the universe; He is sovereign over all. He has always been and will always be. (1:1)
Exodus - "The Lord is my strength and my song..."
Surely there is no strength greater than His-- whatever mountain we are facing. When I have none, He has it all. And by His grace He often gives us a song even in the midst of the steepest climb. (15:2)
Leviticus - "I am the Lord your God..."
These words are repeated countless times in this book as He reminds His people of all He has done for them. What reassurance in the very words "I AM"--and that He is not being talked about here, but He is actually speaking. No matter what changes in our lives, HE IS the same--today and forever. (11:44...)
Numbers - "The Lord bless (you) and keep (you)..."
Usually I insert a name (here)--often my children or one who I know is in deep need of the Lord's blessing. Always calming to redirect my eyes outside of my cocoon. Sometimes I may pause here as I ask the Lord for a name. (6:24)
Deuteronomy - "The Lord your God Himself goes ahead of you."
God is already in the tomorrow, clearing the path, making the way. What better guide than the One who holds tomorrow? I can rest knowing He is already there. (31:3)
Joshua - "Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
I love the word wherever in this verse as it reassures me that I am never alone. He casts out any fear by the knowledge of His presence. (1:9)
Judges - "The Spirit of the Lord came upon him in power."
Although Samson is the him in this recurring verse, I know God equips each of us today through His Spirit as well. There is no greater power on earth! (14:6)
Ruth - "Whither thou goest, I will go; where thou lodgest, I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people and thy God my God."
Yes, this one I still recite from the King James version because these words were among the vows that Jim and I exchanged all those years ago. This verse makes me thankful for many things--that we came to Birmingham, that I have a precious relationship with Jim's parents, and that Jim and I shared a love for the Lord. (1:16)
I Samuel - "...the battle is the Lord's..."
David's mighty words to Goliath just before slaying him with the single stone. And just as the Lord was on David's side, I am comforted to know He is always on my side--whatever the battle. (17:47)
II Samuel - "You are great, O Lord God..."
Among the simplest yet most profound of verses, this one reminds me of that familiar prayer most of us learned as a child, "God is great, God is good..." He is greater than any thorn, any obstacle, any pain. (7:22)
I'm still working to hide more Scriptures, but usually sleep comes even before Samuel. God has been especially gracious in granting me the gift of sleep in recent weeks. It is the exceptional night when I have to "count books," but I'm grateful He has offered me such solace in His Word to find rest.
"...He grants sleep to those He loves." Psalm 127:2
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
The Eyes Have It
"My ears had heard of You
but now my eyes have seen You."
Job 42:5
Perhaps second grade was the last time I tested with 20/20 vision. That first pair of glasses came in third grade for reading the chalkboard. The first few weeks they were "cool," but that coolness faded with time. Later I only pulled them out when absolutely necessary. By eighth grade glasses were a full-time necessity. My vision had digressed, and I chose a really attractive pair of wire rims--with a special feature of photo gray lenses. No need for sunglasses--these lenses darkened upon exposure to sunlight (even the flash for the camera). Surely that school picture exposes the peak of my awkward junior high years! Oh, the joy of that first pair of contacts the summer before ninth grade--even though these soft lens had to be boiled every night and their life expectancy was only about 18 months. For over thirty years now I've relied on contacts to correct my vision, and I'm so thankful for the improvements.
As with many people, some time around that magical fortieth birthday seeing up close became a challenge. After a short run with monovision contacts, I moved to wearing just one contact in my right eye for the last several years. This eye targets distances and the left one hones in for close reading. How amazing that God could create minds able to compensate and allow each eye to determine its specific task!
However, I am learning that real seeing is more than just capturing what is in front of me. It's seeing beyond the surface--behind the curtain. Because so often what we see determines how we think, I pray that I might be able to see through the Lord's eyes and not my own. In recent days many sights have kindled heartache, but our faithful Father is helping me focus through His lens. I have received various pieces of mail addressed to "Ms." Lesa Gibson. Seeing that alien title stings, but I can choose not to let that linger and to see the angst that the writer may have endured trying to determine what is appropriate. (This actually inspired a conversation with my students as I asked them to continue using Mrs. Gibson in their MLA headings.) When I see an elderly couple together in Walmart, I can choose to see the blessing of a long marriage in a world that seems to dismiss the sacredness of this union. (Jim's parents are celebrating 54 years together this week!) When I see that gray Dodge truck in the driveway, I can choose to see the kindness and generosity of Dunn Construction and be thankful. When I see Jim's radiant smile in pictures, I can choose to see love and rejoice that he brought such joy to so many. The only way to see clearly is to allow God to transform my vision.
Honestly though, there are some days that my eyes get "out of focus," but God (there's that beautiful phrase again!) is gracious to help restore my sight. Just as He has adjusted my right eye to see the street sign down the road and my left eye to see the words in a book, He empowers me to see the good and give thanks for His gracious gifts. I cannot do this alone. Without my Bausch and Lomb contact, I would be in a world of haze. Just as I need this one contact to perfect my surface vision, I need the Lord as my one Contact to perfect my core vision. He alone enables me to truly see. I wouldn't consider going a day without my contact to see--why would I ever consider going a day without my Contact to see the things that matter most?
The clarity for 20/20 vision comes through His Word. In His faithfulness the Lord is helping me see Him on ordinary days in extraordinary ways. For this I am so grateful. I will continue to lift up my eyes to the hills where my help comes from.
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:18)
but now my eyes have seen You."
Job 42:5
Perhaps second grade was the last time I tested with 20/20 vision. That first pair of glasses came in third grade for reading the chalkboard. The first few weeks they were "cool," but that coolness faded with time. Later I only pulled them out when absolutely necessary. By eighth grade glasses were a full-time necessity. My vision had digressed, and I chose a really attractive pair of wire rims--with a special feature of photo gray lenses. No need for sunglasses--these lenses darkened upon exposure to sunlight (even the flash for the camera). Surely that school picture exposes the peak of my awkward junior high years! Oh, the joy of that first pair of contacts the summer before ninth grade--even though these soft lens had to be boiled every night and their life expectancy was only about 18 months. For over thirty years now I've relied on contacts to correct my vision, and I'm so thankful for the improvements.
As with many people, some time around that magical fortieth birthday seeing up close became a challenge. After a short run with monovision contacts, I moved to wearing just one contact in my right eye for the last several years. This eye targets distances and the left one hones in for close reading. How amazing that God could create minds able to compensate and allow each eye to determine its specific task!
However, I am learning that real seeing is more than just capturing what is in front of me. It's seeing beyond the surface--behind the curtain. Because so often what we see determines how we think, I pray that I might be able to see through the Lord's eyes and not my own. In recent days many sights have kindled heartache, but our faithful Father is helping me focus through His lens. I have received various pieces of mail addressed to "Ms." Lesa Gibson. Seeing that alien title stings, but I can choose not to let that linger and to see the angst that the writer may have endured trying to determine what is appropriate. (This actually inspired a conversation with my students as I asked them to continue using Mrs. Gibson in their MLA headings.) When I see an elderly couple together in Walmart, I can choose to see the blessing of a long marriage in a world that seems to dismiss the sacredness of this union. (Jim's parents are celebrating 54 years together this week!) When I see that gray Dodge truck in the driveway, I can choose to see the kindness and generosity of Dunn Construction and be thankful. When I see Jim's radiant smile in pictures, I can choose to see love and rejoice that he brought such joy to so many. The only way to see clearly is to allow God to transform my vision.
Honestly though, there are some days that my eyes get "out of focus," but God (there's that beautiful phrase again!) is gracious to help restore my sight. Just as He has adjusted my right eye to see the street sign down the road and my left eye to see the words in a book, He empowers me to see the good and give thanks for His gracious gifts. I cannot do this alone. Without my Bausch and Lomb contact, I would be in a world of haze. Just as I need this one contact to perfect my surface vision, I need the Lord as my one Contact to perfect my core vision. He alone enables me to truly see. I wouldn't consider going a day without my contact to see--why would I ever consider going a day without my Contact to see the things that matter most?
The clarity for 20/20 vision comes through His Word. In His faithfulness the Lord is helping me see Him on ordinary days in extraordinary ways. For this I am so grateful. I will continue to lift up my eyes to the hills where my help comes from.
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:18)
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Just a Little While
"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."
I Peter 1:6-7
"Mom, how much longer until we...?"
"Just a little while, honey."
I know through the years I have exasperated my children with the vague response, "just a little while." I think often this was my answer because either I didn't know myself exactly how long--a few hours, a few minutes, a few days--or more likely, I wanted to offer reassurance.
When we would leave our young children with a friend, grandparents, or a sitter to go to a meeting or out to dinner, we would hug them tight, reminding them, "We'll be back in a little while." We knew that our separation would not be for long, but a little while sounded much more brief than an hour or two. We offered "a little while" as a hint of reassurance.
"How much longer before we get to the campground?" another impatient voice pleads from the back seat. "Just a little while, dear," I reply once again, as I have the last three times the question has been asked. Except this time I am confident that our little while is only about 15 minutes since we have just passed a sign saying, "Unicoi State Park 10 miles ahead." The restless boys in the back seat surely did not want to hear "a couple more hours" when they first asked. Again "a little while" sounded much more comforting.
Even medical professionals know how consoling the phrase "a little while" is. The dentist says, "Your mouth will be sore for a little while" (instead of for a few days); the doctor suggests, "You'll need to stay off your feet for a little while" (instead of a week). A little while just sounds manageable.
This week we turned the calendar page to May, and in just a little while that final bell will sound and summer will be here. Students (and teachers!) are encouraged by those words--in just a little while they will be free of schedules and assignments and tests. Their smiles are a bit brighter and their steps are a bit lighter as they anticipate the freedom to come. How refreshing those words, "just a little while."
So surely this was Jesus' intent in John 16:16 when He tells His disciples: "In a little while you will see Me no more, and then after a little while you will see Me." His disciples were confused, asking each other what He meant by "a little while." That first little while was only a few hours; Jesus' crucifixion was imminent, and He would be going away. The latter little while was three days--referring to His resurrection and return to see them. I ponder the difference and how excruciatingly difficult that second "little while" must have been to endure. Yet, Jesus anticipated their pain and reassured them: "You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy...now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice; no one will take away your joy." (v.20, 22)
Yes, He knew that our "little whiles" might seem endless at times, but I believe He chose that phrase to help ease our distress. As I read Peter's words, "... though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials..." I can know that my grief is not forever. One day at a time, one step at a time--sometimes forward, sometimes backward, but only for a little while. I cling to His promise that our grief will turn to joy. Right now that seems impossible, but His Word tells me that all things are possible through Him. I must trust our faithful Father even when I don't understand. I know that Jim's "little while" of suffering has now turned to joy as he is in the very presence of our Lord. What comfort that offers!
I first heard the group Selah many years ago on a Sunday night at Temple Baptist in Hattiesburg. These lyrics from their song "Hold On" have graced my heart on several occasions, but most especially in recent days:
"If you feel today that you can't make it
Keep holdin' on, cause you can take it
If you hold on a little while longer
Hold on a little while longer...
You gotta hold to His hand
God's unchanging hand...
You gotta build your hopes on things eternal
My God will never let you down...
Hold on a little while longer..."
What a sweet reminder that God is holding our hands for however long this little while lasts...
"And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered for a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. To Him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."
I Peter 5:10-11
I Peter 1:6-7
"Mom, how much longer until we...?"
"Just a little while, honey."
I know through the years I have exasperated my children with the vague response, "just a little while." I think often this was my answer because either I didn't know myself exactly how long--a few hours, a few minutes, a few days--or more likely, I wanted to offer reassurance.
When we would leave our young children with a friend, grandparents, or a sitter to go to a meeting or out to dinner, we would hug them tight, reminding them, "We'll be back in a little while." We knew that our separation would not be for long, but a little while sounded much more brief than an hour or two. We offered "a little while" as a hint of reassurance.
"How much longer before we get to the campground?" another impatient voice pleads from the back seat. "Just a little while, dear," I reply once again, as I have the last three times the question has been asked. Except this time I am confident that our little while is only about 15 minutes since we have just passed a sign saying, "Unicoi State Park 10 miles ahead." The restless boys in the back seat surely did not want to hear "a couple more hours" when they first asked. Again "a little while" sounded much more comforting.
Even medical professionals know how consoling the phrase "a little while" is. The dentist says, "Your mouth will be sore for a little while" (instead of for a few days); the doctor suggests, "You'll need to stay off your feet for a little while" (instead of a week). A little while just sounds manageable.
This week we turned the calendar page to May, and in just a little while that final bell will sound and summer will be here. Students (and teachers!) are encouraged by those words--in just a little while they will be free of schedules and assignments and tests. Their smiles are a bit brighter and their steps are a bit lighter as they anticipate the freedom to come. How refreshing those words, "just a little while."
So surely this was Jesus' intent in John 16:16 when He tells His disciples: "In a little while you will see Me no more, and then after a little while you will see Me." His disciples were confused, asking each other what He meant by "a little while." That first little while was only a few hours; Jesus' crucifixion was imminent, and He would be going away. The latter little while was three days--referring to His resurrection and return to see them. I ponder the difference and how excruciatingly difficult that second "little while" must have been to endure. Yet, Jesus anticipated their pain and reassured them: "You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy...now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice; no one will take away your joy." (v.20, 22)
Yes, He knew that our "little whiles" might seem endless at times, but I believe He chose that phrase to help ease our distress. As I read Peter's words, "... though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials..." I can know that my grief is not forever. One day at a time, one step at a time--sometimes forward, sometimes backward, but only for a little while. I cling to His promise that our grief will turn to joy. Right now that seems impossible, but His Word tells me that all things are possible through Him. I must trust our faithful Father even when I don't understand. I know that Jim's "little while" of suffering has now turned to joy as he is in the very presence of our Lord. What comfort that offers!
I first heard the group Selah many years ago on a Sunday night at Temple Baptist in Hattiesburg. These lyrics from their song "Hold On" have graced my heart on several occasions, but most especially in recent days:
"If you feel today that you can't make it
Keep holdin' on, cause you can take it
If you hold on a little while longer
Hold on a little while longer...
You gotta hold to His hand
God's unchanging hand...
You gotta build your hopes on things eternal
My God will never let you down...
Hold on a little while longer..."
What a sweet reminder that God is holding our hands for however long this little while lasts...
"And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered for a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. To Him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."
I Peter 5:10-11
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